Brandy Fulton -- Letters to the Dead

Dear Papa,

So I finally did it, I graduated Grade Eight.  I am officially on my way to high school and starting to figure out my future.  Much like you I am not into dressing up and all the fanciness; but for mom’s benefit, I wore a dress.  Auntie Cece told me about your cowboy boots you left at her place, and since I am too clumsy to wear heels, we decided that the boots would not only match my dress, but they fit with my personality way better.  

We had an extra ticket so you could have come, but I understand why you couldn’t make it.  You would have been so proud of me.  I love you Papa, talk to you soon.  From Brandy.

Dear Papa,

I woke up bright and early this morning as Dad and I were going out fishing on Round Lake.  Dad brought your tackle box that you gave him, when he and mom got married. It’s weird to think that most of the lures and hooks in here are older than I am.  Before we left, Nana was telling me how you went out fishing every weekend and whatever you caught is what was for dinner.  We caught a few bass and perch but Dad didn’t think Mom would appreciate us coming home with fish for her to clean.  There are some lures in here that I asked Dad how to use but he says he doesn't know.  I can imagine that if you had joined us today, I would have learned many tricks from you.  Eventually we will get the chance to fish together.  I love you Papa.  From Brandy.

Dear Papa,

You wouldn’t believe it.  Nana got remarried today.  I really want to be happy for her but no matter how hard I try, I can’t.  He is nothing like you, and no matter how hard he tries I will never call him Papa. No one can replace you.

Everyone cried at the ceremony, and surprisingly so did I.  I wanted them to be tears of joy, but unfortunately they streamed down my face in frustration and uncontrollable sadness.  Why did you have to leave her?  You made her so much happier, but now she has moved on, and you are never coming back.  

There was a huge fight at the reception.  I’m not really sure what happened but we left early.  I asked mom what was going on, but was told to not worry about it.  I don’t think we will be talking to the family much now.  This would have never happened if you never left, we all miss you.  Things would be so much better if you were here.  I miss you.  From Brandy.

Dear Papa,

I've finally made it.  Today I will be starting my final year of high school.  There has been a lot of ups and downs these past couple of years, but I've preserved and made it through. You would be so proud of the things I have accomplished.   I'm also starting to apply to colleges, which is equally stressful as it is exciting.  I was talking to Mom about when she was going off to post secondary and she was telling me how each time one of your kids moved out you would buy them something that would help them in the long run.   I'm fairly certain that Mom and Dad did that with Steven and I as well.  I wish you were here to see what I've done.  Steven is even decided that he wants to go off to college as well, which is really surprising to us all.  But you would be happy since he is going off to what you wanted to do. I have already decided much like my Grade Eight grad I'm going to wear your boots again. It just feels right because than I know I have a part of you with me there.  I really wish you could be here though.  I love you.  From Brandy.

Dear Papa,

It has been fifteen years since you have been gone.  I think about you everyday, what it would have been like if you were here, or the memories we could have made.  I was a week from turning three when Mom got the phone call from the hospital, complications from a brain aneurysm, took you at fifty-four years old.  

We went to your grave site today, and I think this is the first time all the family has been together, without arguing, since the wedding.  That was six years ago, you would have never stood for that.  

I hate that I can’t remember anything about you, aside from the things Mom has told me.  I guess we were like two peas in a pod and Mom said I had you wrapped around my little finger.  

We all miss you Papa, our lives are not the same without you.  We love you.

Love Brandy.