Keep Going
She’s gone. Forever. Never coming back. All I want is to say I’m sorry. For every ounce of pain I caused you carrying me for 9 months before forcing me out, to the pain from my teenage issues that I’m now realising you truly cared about. After thirty six years of being your son all I can say is I’m sorry. I’m sorry mother. I’m sorry mom. I regret everything up to this point and I’d rather take it all back if it meant you were still here. I regret not visiting. I regret not calling. I regret leaving you all alone. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.
The fresh scent of your baking reaches my nose. A family, a house, fresh cookies. And you. My ever present, never terrible, always caring mother of mine. A glance at an empty room brings me back to your home. Your empty home. One day a new essence will take this over, but for now it’s a shell. Filled with nothing. A vast field of nothing upon nothing. In my mind and soul lies nothing.
I touch the carpet with my hands and I’m a child learning to walk. The carpet braced my falls but they still left the all too familiar rug burn. You’re telling me to keep going, that I’m going to make it. I’m a teenager again and my life has no purpose. Where am I going? You’re still there. Believing in me. Believing in the son you raised with all your heart. The one you can count on to succeed. The one you can count on to visit you when you’re sick. The one you know will plan your funeral.
The one you’ll miss the most.
I’m sorry mother. I’m sorry. If you were here I’d say it straight to you. I wouldn’t get scared to say it. I wouldn’t be scared of anything, because I know you’d be there to get the monster from under my bed. I know you’d be across the hall in case I got scared in the night. I know you’d just be a phone call away if I couldn’t make ends meet. I know you’re gone. I know it. I know I know and I can’t help you I’m so sorry. I can’t see you. You’re gone and not coming back. My anchor, my rock and my everything. I’m floating adrift in the nothing that lies in my mind. Help me.
Where am I going?
Keep going, echoes a voice from the back of my mind.
Keep going.
I pick myself up from the carpet.
Keep going honey, I believe in you.
I wipe the tears from my face.
Yes, you’re almost there! Just keep going. Keep going and you’ll make it.
I stand up and make my way through your home.
I love you. I’m so proud of you!
I drag my fingers across the walls of your home for the last time. I hear the sound of your creaky steps for the last time. I walk out your door for the last time.
I miss you dear.
I lock your door for the last time.
Goodbye Mom.
Very good Max. At first I thought it was about your mom, but it wasn't, which makes it all the more brilliant. You haven't had the experience but you could write something as powerful as that. Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteEvery time I read this I get a tad teary eyed. Good job on the description and kudos for being the first one to tackle stream of consciousness.
ReplyDeleteThis was touching, with good style and a nice tone. You delivered it well, and had us all on edge. It seemed like you really went out of your comfort zone for this one, and it paid off!
ReplyDeleteThis was very emotional piece. The only thing that I want to touch on is that there was a lot of telling. Other than that, it was a well done story and the characters grief is obvious.
ReplyDeleteMax you almost brought me to tears. Your piece captured the attention of everyone in the audience. It was emotional and well thought out. Amazing job!
ReplyDeleteIt was wonderful to hear the emotion you brought into this piece. It takes a lot to write about a subject you haven't really experienced yet and I was very impressed.
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